


Mama help me I've been cursed(Death is rolling in every verse)

by Neutralchaos



Category: Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Depressed Steve, Grab your tissues, I am so sorry, I cried while writing this, I'm not kidding, M/M, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-12
Updated: 2016-12-12
Packaged: 2018-09-08 00:28:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,526
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8822419
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Neutralchaos/pseuds/Neutralchaos
Summary: It's subtle at first. They barely notice it, think nothing of it. But then Steve passes Sam one day on their run, and hears his breathing a bit more labored than usual. Hears his heart beating so much faster. And he stops.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I am so sorry. I cried the entire time I wrote this. 
> 
> Unedited and mostly written on my phone. All mistakes are mine.

It's subtle at first. They barely notice it, think nothing of it. But then Steve passes Sam one day on their run, and hears his breathing a bit more labored than usual. Hears his heart beating so much faster. And he stops. He takes in the fine lines around Sam’s eyes, the grey  starting to pepper in his hair, the way he seems to move a bit slower and suddenly Steve doesn't feel so good. He doesn't bring it up though. Even when Sam asks him what's wrong, he puts on a smile and says  he's fine and  why do you ask ? In the hopes that Sam won't call him on his bullshit just this once. It works and he can't help but feel disappointed by that. 

 

He manages to ignore it for awhile, so what if he breaks a few more punching bags over the next couple of days, he's fine. Of course, someone else must disagree with him, because natasha breezes in from wherever she's been the last couple of years, and tells him they're going out for some tea. Steve sighs, but doesn't argue. He knows better than that. It's not until they're outside, with the sunlight hitting them that he sees it. It's harder to tell on her, underneath the makeup, but it's there, Almost invisible lines framing her mouth. She moves as graceful as she always has but it's… slower.  He can't see any gray I her hair but there strands that seem lighter than the the rest. He feels like there is a weight on his chest. He feels like it's 1935 all over again and he's about fall over because he can't breathe. He's still not sure how he manages to get through tea with her but he does. 

 

Bucky is looking at him strangely, as he looks at Himself in the mirror. So Steve looks at him and see the same thing he saw on himself. They still look the same way they did 10 years ago. Neither of them have aged at all. Bucky tells him that maybe they just age a little slower, because of the serum. Maybe in another few years it'll start showing up for them. It helps. Not much. But it does help a little.

 

They're at Clint’s farm, for a reunion of some sort. They don't get to see each other that often anymore. All of them are so spread out and doing different things that it's hard to get together sometimes. It's been 5 years since he last saw Tony out if the suit and the man is… Steve wants to say that he's the same. He wants to believe that the fact that Tony is quieter is because he's tired from an inventing binge. But, the lines all over tony's face and the fact that his hair is now more grey than black, chase all of those thoughts away.  Tony isn't in perpetual motion anymore. He sits still more often than not and there is a sadness in his eyes when he looks at all of them. Steve has to excuse himself. He see’s Clint’s kids, all grown up, he see’s the way they smile and starts to feel a little better. Maybe it’s so bad, he thinks. He finds Clint out back, with his bow. He watches the way the arrow wobbles a bit, because his arms aren’t as strong as they used to be, he watches the arrow fly through the air and… miss the middle of the target. Not by much, mind you, but enough that Steve knows something is very wrong. Later, Clint will tell him that his eyesight isn’t as good as it used to be, that he should be wearing his glasses but doesn’t want to admit that along with being deaf, that he can’t see as well, anymore.  Steve crawls into bed that night and curls himself up into the smallest ball that he can. 

 

He avoids everyone after that, well, mostly everyone. Bucky doesn’t let him out of his sight. Which makes it harder to just hide in the gym and punch until his skin breaks. Because he can’t do this again. He can’t sit back and watch everyone he loves die. He can’t lose his family again. It was bad enough watching Peggy fade away in front of him. He’s not sure if he can through it again.

 

Thor comes back. It’s been awhile since he’s been around and he looks so tired. He looks at steve and Bucky and seems a little happier to see them, that is until he see’s the rest of the team. His shoulders sag, and for a moment he looks the centuries old he is. He doesn’t stay long after that. Truth be told, it’s the last time they see him.

 

They get a call. It’s from Pepper. Tony is gone. His heart gave out on him finally. Steve forces himself to go to the funeral, he makes himself walk slower with the other pall bearers. He wants to just carry the man himself. To bear the full weight on only his own shoulders. He numbly watches them lower Tony into the ground. It’s only after he gets home, after he decimates 6 bags, that he breaks down. 

 

Clint is the next to go. Unlike Tony, he goes out fighting. It doesn’t make it any easier. Steve can’t bring himself to bury him. He can’t stop the loop of if only he was faster, if only he was stronger. Maybe if he had just been there, he could have stopped it. Maybe clint would still be alive. He locks himself away and it’s only when Bucky breaks the door down, that he realizes that no one has seen him for a week. His knuckles are worn down to the down the bone and the area around him is red with blood he hadn’t noticed he shed. Bucky’s face is dark with anger and grief as he carries Steve to their room and pins him down to the bed until Steve finally lets the exhaustion of the past week take over and falls asleep.

 

Bruce has been gone awhile but Steve knows exactly when Bruce dies and all that’s left is the Hulk. His heart breaks some more, watching the Hulk rage on. Bucky doesn’t let him near the gym for the next month.

 

It's almost a relief when Rhodey goes. The man was a shell of his former after Tony passed. It made sense. They had been together since forever. It doesn't make it any easier for Steve. Rhodey was one of the few people that respected Steve and wasn't afraid to call him on his bullshit. Bucky helps him tear down the war machine suit at peppers request. 

 

No one knows when Natasha passes on. The last time Steve saw her was after Clint. They had sat together quietly, neither of them trusting their voices not to crack. Neither trusting that they wouldn’t break down crying. Both of them talking about lighter things. Well, if one can consider war a lighter subject. Bucky watches her closely and pulls her aside before she goes to leave. Steve doesn’t know what they talked about, Bucky won’t tell him and he's strangely okay with that. The hug he gets from her as she's almost out the door is long and warm and somehow he knows she's not coming back. 

 

Sam’s hits the hardest. Steve can't even pretend that he's okay for it. He breaks down when he sees Sam’s granddaughter. He falls to the floor, tears flowing freely down face. No amount of “he went peacefully in his sleep” helps. No amount of well meaning hugs helps him calm down. Not even Bucky can help him because Bucky had to leave. He couldn't do it. Steve can't blame him, the only reason he's still here, is because he owes to it Sam to be there for him. It's okay. He'll be fine. He's always fine. 

 

Peter was an unpleasant surprise. He had been fighting Venom when the villain tore him half. Steve couldn't believe it. Bucky had screamed before charging forward and trying to rip the symbiote apart with his bare hands. In the end it had been Wanda who took it down. With tears streaming down her face, her power enveloped the creature and then… there was nothing left. All three of them standing there, staring at Peter's body. All three of them praying it was a horrible dream. That they were going to wake any second now. 

 

Bucky’s hidden the knives and moved all of his weapon stashes. He doesn't tell Steve where he's put them all. Steve notices that the lock is gone from the gym door and where there were once endless bags to punch there is now only a few at a time. It's smart. He can't lock himself away anymore. He knows what Bucky is doing and he can't honestly think of what reason he gave to do it. He's fine. So what if he needs a little bit more time to himself these days, he's not hurting anyone. He's fine.

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Have I said I'm sorry yet?? Because I am. *passes over tissues and chocolate*


End file.
